Where to start......

Sometimes it is very difficult to write about something when you just don't know where to start. At this very moment a myriad of thoughts rumble and tumble through my mind. Shall I just reach in and snatch one? Perhaps, before I delve into the unknown of my thoughts, I should tell my readers a little bit about myself.

I was born the youngest of three. My two older siblings are a brother, seven years my elder, and a sister, nine years. Because there was such an age gap, I spent many of my growing up years playing by myself. I had friends and spent much time with them too, but in the long winter months of darkness (I grew up on the Kenai Peninsula, AK), I would entertain myself with the adventures of my own creativity.

My parents were good parents. They believed in God and taught us children the same. They taught me what it meant to serve other people and to persevere when things got tough. They taught me that there is more to life than having a lot of stuff. We weren't well off, but a whole lot richer than most of the world. Because of all these lessons in childhood and my deep spiritual upbringing, I will probably be talking some about my relationship with God since it is central to my life. If this offends anyone, please let me know. I do not intend to be offensive. I intend to be real and raw.

I entitled my blog "manifestations" because it seems to me that as I live life, I am coming to see it in a different light. Of course there are new things that I am learning, but more than that I think I am just seeing deeper into what I already know.  Or maybe I am letting go of my bias and seeing things more raw. I might also add an adventure here or there from my childhood. They are what has shaped me into me.

So here I am....left with where to start once again. Perhaps I will just tell you about the random thought that just hit me this morning (I think this blog might become confessional). I was sitting in Safeway drinking a cup of coffee and writing in my journal (a common pass-time). I was pondering my recent break up with my boyfriend and the pains of such ordeals and it struck me! I had wasted much of my time and energy on pervious relationships. I had strove for companionship with people that wouldn't have made good companions, for love that was not love at all. It was something, but it certainly wasn't love. And now, after having lost what I have longed for I realize that in the past, I was very foolish. Why waste one's resources on a relationship that one doesn't plan on keeping? Why not wait, pursue your dreams, have friends, but don't give your heart away to someone that doesn't deserve it. Or don't take someone's heart if you don't plan on preserving it. I don't want to rant and rave. I just want to give a word of wisdom to those the might read this. If you're going to get into a relationship with someone, make it real. Love them for all your worth. Love them like you want to be loved and without regret. If you can't love them like that, then don't bother getting into a relationship. Put your time into something else. Okay, I'm done.